I will start this post like a Scorsese movie; with the end. Because I think it’s important that you know everything in the long run is ok. Using the word miscarriage in a post can really scare people, like the experience did to me, and that’s not fair. So, know now, everything is fine and we have a 14 week along baby (technically fetus, but, who likes that word….) with a strong heartbeat. Now, let’s talk about the first insane scare that I am being told is ‘just part of parenting….” Awesome.
My phone lit up while I was at work the other day; Marie was calling me.
Odd, Marie doesn’t normally get signal at work, why is she off the boat (she’s in the Navy).
I called her back from my work phone, as I get crappy signal in my office.
“I’m headed to the ER, I’m having a little bit of spotting and I think I need to get my RhoGam shot. Don’t panic, I just wanted to call you so you didn’t hear it from someone else that I was in the ER and didn’t know.”
Spotting? What…. Oh. Shit.
She assured me it wasn’t serious and I shouldn’t panic, I didn’t need to come out. Then she hung up.
I got online and looked it up to make sure I shouldn’t panic.
Ladies and gentlemen. When you know it could be serious, don’t ever, ever, EVER, get online and ‘just look it up…’
All I could find was really bad stuff. The ‘M’ word was somehow associated with everything.
Miscarriage. Let’s talk for a second about how rich I would be if I could be a professional panicker.
So, I called my mother, who is a nurse of like, 18+ years, to reassure me that I was just panicking, that spotting can be something that happens pretty often, and that I shouldn’t be worried because the internet just overplays it.
She, through the whole conversation, made the attempt to calm my nerves, but agreed with me that I should go be with her regardless of how big or little the situation was. Then she made the comment that caused me to drive 500 miles an hour to the hospital.
“Now I am going to be worried all day, let me know what’s going on…”
My boss walked in as I was walking out.
“I’m going to the hospital; Marie is on her way to the ER with some light bleeding”
“Oh, ok, yeah go…”
I tried to keep it under 85 the entire way there. I was scared shitless by this point. It had been like 15 minutes since I had talked to Marie and her calm nature in the conversation was lost and I was terrified for the worst.
I got to the hospital and realized that parking can in fact cause fits of rage. Or, finding a lack of parking.
Got to the fifth floor of the parking garage, finally found a spot. Tried not to run the entire way to the ER.
Now. Let’s go over some facts that I found on this whole thing for you, the reader, to hopefully learn and benefit from, because I had to dig a little to find this stuff. Also, keep in mind that I am not a doctor, nurse or any other kind of medical anything. I like medical stuff, my mother is a nurse and I like the show Scrubs, but that’s about as far as it goes. Take this as what I think I have learned and not ANY kind of actual medical advice, now let’s continue.
Marie is A Negative and RH Negative. A- being her blood type. RH- meaning that she does not have a certain something in her blood. It’s not something you have to have or shouldn’t have, some people have it, some don’t. But I am RH+. This means that the baby will have the RH ‘whatever’ in its blood. Because the baby will have that in its blood and she doesn’t have it, her body will create antibodies against the RH thing and attack the baby.
The way to prevent this is a RhoGAM shot. It keeps her body from being able to create specifically those antibodies that would attack the baby, or fetus, for the medically correct.
Now, back to the story of how I learned that my heart can in fact stop for an extended period of time.
So, I got to the ER lobby and she was already in a room. The lady at the counter said “go right in” so I walked around the corner through the double doors and was stopped and told to go back in the lobby.
“Is she ok, is the baby ok, have they checked to make sure everything is ok?”
“Sir, just go back in the lobb-“
“The lady at the desk already said I could come in, she’s in that room right there”
“Sir, just go back to the lobby and I will come get you.”
I took a deep breath, and went back in the lobby.
After like 10 minutes of waiting and not knowing, it was time for round two. I went back in and asked a nurse at the counter if I could go in yet.
“Why couldn’t you? Yeah, go in, she wants you in there, right???”
So, in I went.
She was fine, asking about animal tails, as this is what she had been thinking about for the last half hour she was sitting there on her own waiting for the ultrasound and the blood work to come back.
So they still didn’t know what the final word was on if the baby was ok and all was well, they sent me back out of the room for the ultrasound, it wasn’t a belly one, they came at it from…. A different angle(the down under…). Shortly after I got a text from Marie.
“14 weeks and a strong heartbeat”
After almost having an emotional breakdown of relief, I composed myself and they came shortly after to let me back in the waiting room.
Everything was ok!
As soon as I got back in the room I gave her belly a tiny poke and my words were something along the lines of “not funny, bud, is this how it’s gonna be your whole life?”
Marie thought I was trying to be funny, but I think I was actually scolding my unborn child. He doesn’t even have ears yet.
She got the shot, they deemed everything ok, and we were on our way.
“Wings for lunch?”
Clearly Marie handled this better than I did. Probably because she didn’t look things up on the internet.
Since this event a couple of days ago now, I have heard the following statement at LEAST 7 times:
“Welcome to being a parent, it’s just the beginning.”
Can I at least get him/her out here before we start making runs to the hospital where I have to worry about life and death. For the love of jeez.
So, the scares and worries have begun. I guess my lesson out of all of this is there ain’t shit you can do as the parent in some situations, so don’t panic more than you have to. If there was more to learn here, I didn’t. I guess I’ll start at focusing on NOT focusing on the worst. I’m terrible about emotionally readying myself for the worst; makes anything else not as bad. From what I’m being told, there’s plenty more of the exact same terror to come. EESHH!
We have our first ultrasound on Tuesday. If we get lucky enough, we might be able to tell the gender/confirm it’s a boy. I’ll let ya’ll know how it went! Check in later….